Height Disadvantage
by KSistern777
Summary: When the crew of our favorite Enterprise gets tired of the the sexual tension they cook up a devious plan for their captain and first officer. CRACK


**Hello, people. You are fantastic for clicking on this story, and I assure you shall be let down.**

**XD I'm kidding. This fic was co-written by me and a pal of mine _XxWriteToTheEndxX . Enjoy!**

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Spock sat at his science station, as he usually did, but something didn't seem quite so usual about the bridge on this particular evening. The atmosphere was much more . . . mischievous than usual.

Kirk smirked slightly, settling into the captain's chair. Everything seemed to be running smoothly, although there was a strange feeling in the air. Nothing was out of place, although he did catch Uhura smiling rather oddly. Something was up, and he was sure of it.

The Vulcan turned from his post and glanced around the bridge before standing lithely and walking towards the captain's chair. Perhaps the captain will have some idea as to why his crew seemed to be acting strangely.

Noting the approaching footsteps, Kirk turned to face whomever was nearing his position. It was Spock, his half-Vulcan first officer. Although he would never say it to anyone, he did have some sort of feelings for Spock. It wasn't friendship, it was stronger, but as he often told himself, James T. Kirk was not gay. Tossing his thoughts aside, he asked the half-Vulcan, "What is it?"

The green-blooded man looked at the other for a moment, considering his next words, then spoke up inquisitively.

"Have you noticed a difference in the bridge today?"

Kirk frowned slightly, then replied, "Something is different, but I can't put my finger on it..." After a moment, he added, "Well, you do know something always goes wrong. It's probably something going wrong."

"I fail to see the logic in how you came to that conclusion," Spock replied casually.

Kirk chuckled, "We normally get sent to some other dimension which results in a couple red shirts dying. As always, something goes wrong and something similar to that happens. Besides, what do you think's happening?"

"I haven't a clue, captain. I assumed that you might know your crew well enough to give me at least an idea," came the monotone response.

"I do. They've done something, I know it. They all seem guilty," the human responded, raising his voice just a bit near the end so all those on the bridge could hear him.

"And how, exactly, did you determine that?" came what certainly sounded like a salty reply.

Kirk rolled his eyes at the bitter tinge in Spock's voice, "For such an intelligent being, you're sure terrible with emotions. They all seem guilty, just look at their expressions!"

"How can one accurately judge the thoughts of another merely by their expression? It is illogical to jump to such conclusions," the half-Vulcan uttered quietly, remaining completely stoic.

"This really isn't the time to being frustrating, Spock, and, for all I care, you can shove your logical conclusions up your ass." Kirk snapped, annoyed at how completely emotionless the half-Vulcan remained. It was like he didn't have any human blood.

Spock turned to his captain and raised his brow curiously. The other recognised it as the Vulcan equivalent of surprise.

"Captain, I have made no attempt to be frustrating as you accuse of me. I really do not think such insults are necessary at this time."

The Vulcan returned his attention towards the viewscreen.

Kirk rose from his chair, glaring up at his first officer. Damn it, I'm too short. He thought, annoyed, and turned back, climbing onto his Captain's chair, so he was taller than the half-Vulcan. "Spock, look at me. You can't be closed off, I know something's up with you too."

The temporarily shorter of the two looked up with, once again, raised eyebrows. "Captain, what are you attempting to accomplish with this scene?" he asked interrogatively.

"Don't act dim, Spock. You know something's bugging you, and I can tell," Kirk glared down at Spock (for once, glaring down) and then added, "I can tell. Some emotions do show, despite your best efforts."

The lone alien on the ship suddenly became aware of the attention their conversation was attracting.

"Captain. Is something wrong?"

"You little shit, you know something's wrong," Kirk snapped. He was sure that he was being over-dramatic, but at this point, it didn't matter.

"Captain-" Spock began.

Kirk was about to cut off Spock when he felt a slight shove to his back, and he turned just in time to see Uhura attempting to push him over. Kirk steadied himself, and shot the communications officer a questioning look. She walked away, looking a bit ashamed. Just as he turned back to continue his argument, he felt someone push his ankle out from underneath him. He found himself falling, balance lost.

Spock's eyes widened as the form of his captain suddenly was falling towards him. Out of instinct he thrust his arms forward, in order to catch the other, and braced himself for impact.

He succeeded in keeping his balance and was able to keep the shorter one from falling.

After hearing the stifled giggles from around them, Kirk immediately scrambled down from his science officer's grasp.

"Jim, are you alright?" Spock asked quickly.

"I'm fine..the only thing hurt is my pride," Jim muttered, looking away so the half-Vulcan couldn't see the blush covering his face. Facing his crew, he growled, "Who did that?"

Chekov stepped forward, raising his hand slight and smirking just a bit, "I vas just speeding up ze inevitable, Captain."

Kirk narrowed his eyes and charged towards the Russian only to be stopped by a hand on his shoulder jerking him back.

"Jim, calm yourself-"

Kirk gasped as he was tugged back, trying to regain his balance but only managing to fall over onto the half-Vulcan, bringing them both to the floor. After a moment, Jim realized he was holding Spock down to the floor, his leg grazing an unfortunate place.

Spock, who was showing an unusual amount of green to his pallor, made a very controlled request.

"Captain, would you please remove yourself from my person?"

And though phrased as a question, Kirk knew that this particular statement was a demand.

Kirk got up, turning towards the few people he knew much have planned this. "You are all getting prostate exams. Now. While Spock and I have a little chat," he snapped.

"Captain, what exactly are you doing?" the Vulcan asked as he picked himself up from the foot of the captain's chair.

Kirk looked down awkwardly, "I don't...harbor any feelings, just so you know..." He muttered. Scotty walked past, hearing the remark, he yelled,

"Stop lyin' to yourselves! Just kiss and makeup!"

The two stood in silence until the turbolift doors closed with the last of the bridge crew behind them, both Spock and Kirk faced each other.

"It would seem that we have some things to get out in the open, Captain."

Kirk sighed, then said, "Stop calling me 'Captain.'" He leaned forward, pressing his lips against the half-Vulcan's.

At first, the first officer was unresponsive, not quite expecting the other to be so blunt in his approach, but as a moment passed he was able to respond with as much vigor as his 'Captain' was offering.

Kirk pulled away, raising his eyebrows before asking, "I take it my feelings are reciprocated?"

"Most definitely, Jim," came the quick response.

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**This almost became a lemon, but`. . . I dunno. We just didn't do that. . . **

**She and I wrote every other paragraph, switching off and all. I liked the finished product and I hope you readers out there do as well.**


End file.
